This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
