yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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