Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
