is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
