i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
