This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
