i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
