Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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