I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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