she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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