first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
