Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
