I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm both gender and math confused
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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