You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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