history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
