No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
