hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
