Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
