You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
