I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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