Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
