Someone shit on the floor
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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