Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize