Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
