ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
