I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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