i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
