yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
