I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
is that a dick in a sweater?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
