You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
