that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
