I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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