the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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