Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
