return my video game
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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