who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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