ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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