Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
