You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
