i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize