My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
