dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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