Define "chronic" masturbator.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
