Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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