i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
