I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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