What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
