I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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