Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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