i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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