what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
