Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
