I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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