he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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