YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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