you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
