i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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