My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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