Got a toothbrush?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
