The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
