you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize