I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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