based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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