Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
