were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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