Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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