He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
