And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
