I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
