Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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